I came home from school to find my mom’s ex-boyfriend’s Suburban back in the driveway, parked in the snow. I spit on it when I walked by, and then stared at my saliva, disappointed. I wanted to at least leave a loogie on the window, but a few watery blobs of spit were all I could manage. I slipped through the sliding glass door and went to the living room to find him and my mom making out, their hands all over each other, her letting out disgusting little moans that made bile rise up in my throat. My heart started pounding and I felt like my head might explode with the hot, pulsating noise that filled my brain. I turned around and picked up my backpack from where I’d dropped it on the kitchen floor. A smile spread across my face as I grabbed the still full carton of eggs out of the refrigerator.
With an egg already in my hand, I opened the sliding glass door quietly and stepped outside. I thought of little league softball practice as I wound up and chucked an egg as hard as I could at the Suburban’s windshield, wishing I had the strength to make the glass crack with the impact. Yolk ran down, leaving a slime trail behind.
I ran around to the side of the Suburban and threw another egg at the passenger side window. Then I noticed that the lock pin on the door was up. I burst into maniacal laughter as I threw egg after egg into the car. They smashed onto the driver’s seat, the floorboard, the steering wheel, and the windshield.
“How do you like that, fuckface?” I shouted, my hands shaking with the adrenaline.
I emptied the carton, and started shivering as soon as it hit the ground. It suddenly occurred to me that he could appear at any moment. In a panic, I started grabbing armloads of snow and throwing them into his car, piling them up until the cab was half full. I didn’t stop until the floor mats and the seats were covered, as if it were a convertible that had been caught in a surprise blizzard. I took a few deep breaths before throwing a final snowball at the windshield from the inside, hoping to disguise the gooey, dripping egg slime.
I was standing in a snow drift staring down at my wet jeans, the wide bottoms soaked all the way up to my knees, when I heard the sliding glass door open. My mom's ex-boyfriend, who was apparently no longer her ex, stepped out into the snow in his white undershirt and untied yellow work boots and started to laugh.
“Well, what the fuck do you think you’re doing out here?” he shouted from the doorway, shaking his head side to side, his whiskery face covered with his evil Garfield grin.
I glanced inside the Suburban and saw egg yolk dripping from the rearview mirror, turning the snow beneath it yellow. Our house was up on an incline facing the water, and as I bolted down the driveway, I slipped on my way to the street. I kept running until I reached my friend best Crystal’s house, where I stayed until my mom and her boyfriend finally broke up again, three years later.
*****
I was so excited to hear that this story tied for second place at the June 2015 Dime Stories Open Mic night at San Diego Writer's, Ink.